So…I was having a girlie night in with my friend’s 12-year-old daughter and after painting toe nails and face packs, what else can you do? Personally, I would crack open the wine but I have to remember I’m a responsible adult, so a movie seems to be the next best thing.

At this point I must state that this article comes with a ‘health warning’: If you’ve not yet seen Shrek 3 and want to, I’m about to ruin the story line for you.

It starts with King Harold on his deathbed with his dying wish that Shrek should inherit the throne. Shrek, on the other hand, so doesn’t want it. He values his swamp and his life with Princess Fiona far more than any crown. He pleads with the King if there is a direct heir that could rule the land of Far, Far Away and as it happens there is…Princess Fiona’s cousin, Artie.

To preserve his private values Shrek sets out on a mission to find Artie and discovers him in what we would describe as a public school. Artie is ridiculed by fellow class mates and teachers alike, he has no credence, no sporting accolades and no apparent financial assets – Artie considers himself a loser because everyone else does. Shrek assures Artie that this is not the case, that the old King valued him and wanted him to rule the Kingdom. So off they go, back to the land of Far, Far Away.

In their absence evil Prince Charming has waged war on Far, Far Away in order to take the Kingdom for himself. He has secured the aid of fairy tale villains manipulating their weaknesses. Shrek and Artie return to chaos. They are taken captive and Prince Charming, in a bid to end the life of the true heir, demands to know who the old King named as his successor. To save Artie’s life Shrek admits it’s himself. Artie is released but all his new-found self-belief is shattered, and he once more becomes ‘the loser’. Wallowing in negativity and self-pity Artie turns his back on Shrek, who awaits his death at the hands of Charming.

Princess Fiona and friends (who have been imprisoned) have managed to escape captivity and come across the despondent Artie. They tell him that Shrek has sacrificed himself to save Artie’s life. Artie is mortified by this news and sets out with them to put things right. The party confront Charming as he is about to kill Shrek, a fight ensues, and the villains capture Fiona. Artie, learning from his experiences, gives a rousing speech and convinces the villains that just because they are being treated like losers does not mean that they have to be losers. Touched by Artie’s speech, all the villains agree to give up their evil ways. Charming is got rid of, Shrek preserves his values and returns to his swamp and Artie becomes a worthy King.

What a fantastic story that depicts how self-worth, belief, values and positivity win the day!

Now is the best time to set goals. That is if you have not already set them at the beginning of January. In fact, any day is a good day to set goals if you have not started yet!

Your goals should be ‘Towards’. By that I mean they should be set with the intention of gaining something you want rather than the intention of getting ‘Away From’ something. An example of an ‘Away From’ goal is: “I want to make x amount of money by the end off the month because I am worried that there is a lack of sales at the moment”. When your goal is a positive towards it will release the right energy. e.g. “I want to make x amount of money by the end of the month because that will mean I have smashed my sales target!” This applies to all goals personal and professional. A personal goal for me as a learner golfer is to get my handicap by Easter. Not hitting less bad shots.

I have learned that a goal only becomes a goal when you DECIDE to do it. This is a commitment rather than an, ‘I’m going to.’ By deciding and committing it presupposes action.

Next it is important that you BELIEVE you can achieve it. If you have any doubts, you will not have the same energy. A simple way of increasing your certainty is to ask yourself, “On a scale of one to 10 how certain am I that I can achieve my goal?” Maybe you give yourself a six. Next, ask yourself how certain you are that there is a sofa in your lounge or a carpet on the floor. It will seem an obvious ten! Now, because your brain will still be holding that belief and feeling, straight away ask yourself, “How certain am I that I can achieve my goal?”. It should increase. Repeat the process very quickly, over and over, until it is a ten.

A great way to write out a goal is to make it as if it has already been achieved: “I play golf once a week and I am now playing off 24.”

Finally, take action and read your goal every day.

What is Positive Leadership?

 

I rather like Kim Cameron’s approach to positive leadership.

There are four categories:

Positive Climate
This involves creating positive feelings, having appreciation for people, giving thanks and moving on when mistakes are made, or as he calls it, forgiveness.

Positive Relationships
Oxytocin release lowers blood pressure and makes you feel good especially when you do something for someone else. This can be achieved by increasing trust, random acts of kindness and developing and building on people’s strengths.

Positive Communication
Affirmative supportive language replaces criticism. The ratio of positive statements of at least 3 – 1 by giving more praise and less criticism. Asking coaching questions such as, ‘What would success look like?’

Giving people a Positive Meaning
When people have a purpose it gives meaning and fulfilment, or as Simon Sinek calls it, having a ‘Why’. It is more than having a job, more like a vocation. Helping people understand the impact of their work will enhance this.

Wishing all our readers a kind and positive Christmas Season!

Why Managers are Learning Leadership and Coaching Skills

More and more managers are learning to use coaching as a leadership style to develop their team members and I think there are several common stages that managers go through:

1. ‘I have not got time to delegate it is quicker to do things myself. Anyway, I can’t trust that they will do it right.’
2. ‘My manager can see me getting stressed and has told me to delegate to my team. She said it will develop them.’
3. ‘Here goes: “Right, James, I want you to take over doing the month end board reports. I’ll show you what to do then it’s all yours.”‘, the manager says, beaming.
4. ‘Well that didn’t work and what a muck up! I was lucky not to get fired. The board report contained major financial errors! James completely blew it.’
5. ‘My manager said, “It is ok, people make mistakes when they do things for the first time. Did you support him through it?” To which I replied, “How do you mean support him?” “Well,” she replied, “did you coach him around the areas he was not sure about? Did you meet regularly with him to make sure he was ok? Did he feel confident that he could come to you with any questions?”‘

Sometimes it is difficult to give up old habits that are unconsciously ingrained but with some practice it pays off with a more engaged team and better results. Of course, we have not even started on when a manager should mentor and when they should coach. More on that next time.

I rather like Kim Cameron’s approach to positive leadership.

There are four categories:

Positive Climate
This involves creating positive feelings, having appreciation for people, giving thanks and moving on when mistakes are made, or as he calls it, forgiveness.

Positive Relationships
Oxytocin release lowers blood pressure and makes you feel good especially when you do something for someone else. This can be achieved by increasing trust, random acts of kindness and developing and building on people’s strengths.

Positive Communication
Affirmative supportive language replaces criticism. The ratio of positive statements of at least 3 – 1 by giving more praise and less criticism. Asking coaching questions such as, ‘What would success look like?’

Giving people a Positive Meaning
When people have a purpose it gives meaning and fulfilment, or as Simon Sinek calls it, having a ‘Why’. It is more than having a job, more like a vocation. Helping people understand the impact of their work will enhance this.

Wishing all our readers a kind and positive Christmas Season!

Manager are Learning Leadership and Coaching Skills

 

More and more managers are learning to use coaching as a leadership style to develop their team members and I think there are several common stages that managers go through:

1. ‘I have not got time to delegate it is quicker to do things myself. Anyway, I can’t trust that they will do it right.’
2. ‘My manager can see me getting stressed and has told me to delegate to my team. She said it will develop them.’
3. ‘Here goes: “Right, James, I want you to take over doing the month end board reports. I’ll show you what to do then it’s all yours.”‘, the manager says, beaming.
4. ‘Well that didn’t work and what a muck up! I was lucky not to get fired. The board report contained major financial errors! James completely blew it.’
5. ‘My manager said, “It is ok, people make mistakes when they do things for the first time. Did you support him through it?” To which I replied, “How do you mean support him?” “Well,” she replied, “did you coach him around the areas he was not sure about? Did you meet regularly with him to make sure he was ok? Did he feel confident that he could come to you with any questions?”‘

Sometimes it is difficult to give up old habits that are unconsciously ingrained but with some practice it pays off with a more engaged team and better results. Of course, we have not even started on when a manager should mentor and when they should coach. More on that next time.

Acts of Kindness

 

It was a freezing cold November night in Nottingham City centre and the queue of people waiting for hot and cold food and warm drinks wound up Trinity Square and around the corner. Tracy’s Street Kitchen is a charity that feeds and clothes homeless and vulnerable people that was founded by its namesake just over two years ago and is run by an army of volunteers.

Tracy’s story is sadly not uncommon

In 1981, aged just 14 she found herself homeless and sleeping rough on the streets, vulnerable to acts of aggression and violence from other rough sleepers and members of the public who sadly see homeless people as an easy target. Her future could have been extremely different if it were not down to her sheer determination, effort, hard-work and the act of just one man who believed in her, who could see her potential and offered her kindness. Andrew is that man. He now manages the charity’s administration and donations but back then he made sure Tracy had food and drink on a daily basis and gave her the support of friendship which gradually started to develop Tracy’s self-belief and confidence.

Tracy now has a home and family of her own, is a qualified teacher in full time employment, as well as running her charity which includes preparing vast pots of nutritious food for her ‘homeless family’ and organising her volunteers. Tracy works hard to give back that kindness that one person gave to her back in 1981.

So often I hear people moaning about life, work, work colleagues, money… rather than being thankful for the things that they have got. Tracy’s story demonstrates that no matter what curve balls life throws your way, with the right attitude and a little kindness anything is achievable.

So, the next time you hear yourself about to voice something negative, just remember…In a world where you could be anything, be kind.

Is a Manager a Coach or a Mentor?

 

Last time we described the scenario of a manager letting go and beginning to delegate to team members. It was a bumpy ride at first with him going straight from directing to delegating without any support.

So how does a manager know when to offer advice and when to coach? Let’s look at the definition of coaching and mentoring and what the difference is:

Coaching is a process of learning, not teaching. It is about raising a person’s awareness and letting them own the process. Here the coach is challenging the coachee’s model of the world to develop their thinking.

Whereas mentoring is the passing on of knowledge from a more experienced person. Think Yoda!

A good line manager will be flexible in their approach depending upon the person’s competence, confidence and motivation. Most line managers are pretty good at telling people what to do and giving them advice but how do they know when to be more of a coach?

If someone has not been trained it is unfair to delegate however if someone is almost ‘there’ a combination of mentoring and coaching can be used. Once someone is competent then a coaching approach is highly effective in developing the persons capability, for career development and organisational results.

Wendy Lukacs and I believe it is fundamental that a line manager learns to coach first so that they can experience the benefits first hand of being coached during their training, as well as being able to practice coaching a person who is not a direct report. Which is why we teach people how to coach on our leadership programmes.

Once the line manager has learned to coach they will be comfortable using it in one to ones and conversationally with their direct reports.

As Myles Downey said, “The magic occurs when people come up with their own solutions.”

How does NLP impact on Leadership?

If you are in an upbeat positive mood, if you are confident, if you set and achieve goals, you will inspire others… or will you?

What if it is not true that we can inspire others?

What if people can only inspire themselves?

What if people can only become inspired when they decide to be?

The trick is, how can you facilitate that happening? Behaviour breeds behaviour, so they may consciously and unconsciously copy your actions and behaviours. I think delegating and coaching are key tools that you can use. I’m absolutely convinced that you, the leader or coach, have to believe that the person you are working with has that flame inside them which I describe as a ‘seam of gold’.

Remember, you are the one who turns their light switch on but they already have the potential energy inside them. Kim Cameron advocates leaders having positive relationships, which furthers his concept of ‘positive deviation’ in which teams flourish, bringing the organisation success. Positive relationships reduce stress levels and impact on health and well being. Daniel Goleman suggests that where leaders are positive and emotionally intelligent this translates to bottom line results. It’s worth exploring how coaching can be used in leadership and some other approaches you can use to get results.